"I find myself with this sense that success has to be earned. And the only way to earn it is to inflict pain on yourself. And if you're not in pain, you didn't try hard enough. And it would have been better if you'd suffered more. And I think that's a lie, and I want to find out if it's a lie or if it's true." — Rich Roll
I think it's a lie too. One of the most common questions that got asked at the Q&A in Australia was: how do I give myself credit for my accomplishments in life? Why do I never feel finished or satisfied with a job well done?
This is another Curse of Competence. If you're good at things and have high standards, you assume that you should always do well. Which means that success is not a cause for celebration but the minimum level of reasonable performance. Anything less than victory would be a failure, and victory itself becomes nothing more than acceptable. Congratulations, you might be very successful. You also might be very miserable. I shouldn't say congratulations, though. That makes it sound as if you chose it.
A few things to keep in mind: You are wired this way for a reason. Your ancestors are made up of the most goal-driven, insecure overachievers from history. You could not have been any other way. Your brain does not care about you feeling good, it only cares about you being successful.
In the past, success meant accumulating food and resources, now it means accumulating money and accomplishments. The number of ways your success-seeking system can be hijacked is greater than ever. It's not your fault.
There are no solutions, only tradeoffs. You don't get to live the comfortable life with recognition and progress AND ALSO switch off from that stuff whenever you want. What, you think you could be obsessive and driven in one area of your life but be able to create a hard boundary where it doesn't bleed over into everything else?
That's just not the way it works. You complain about not being grateful and give yourself no time for gratitude. I don't mean a daily journal which becomes a chore. I mean dwelling at the end of a successful experience for 60 seconds, considering the details and considering how good and satisfied you feel to have completed it. Absorb the experience. Imagine it sinking down into you and becoming a part of you. ~ h/t Rick Hanson
Look, You were born into a world you didn't choose, maladapted for the mind you have, which you also didn't choose, in an environment replete with games designed to hijack your drive and attention 24 hours a day. I'm impressed you even made it to breakfast today.